"Okay, so hear me out. Cereal. That lovable, crunchy, occasionally marshmallow-infused breakfast delight. You pour it into a bowl, add some milk (unless you're a raw ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dogger who eats it dry like some kind of cereal cowboy), and boom—you’ve got yourself a solid breakfast. But wait. Think about what you’ve just done. You’ve poured a solid into a liquid. You’re eating it with a spoon. The liquid isn't part of the solid—it’s just a medium. That, my dude, is soup. That’s the literal definition of soup. Merriam-Webster defines soup as “a liquid food especially with a meat, fish, or vegetable stock as a base and often containing pieces of solid food.” Okay fine, cereal doesn’t have meat or fish (unless you’re out here eating Tuna Flakes™, which I hope you’re not), but it’s still a liquid with floating solids.

Now here’s where the chaos begins. People will say, “But cereal’s sweet, soup is savory.” Bro. Ever heard of sweet soups? Ever had red bean soup? Or fruit soups? Don’t even get me started on chilled soups like gazpacho. “Cereal isn’t cooked,” they argue, like that changes anything. Guess what—cold soups exist. Cooking isn’t required for soup-hood. And besides, have you ever left your cereal too long? That mushy, tragic goop you end up with? That’s cooked by time and suffering.

Then you’ve got the psychos who pour milk first. I don’t trust ‘em. That’s like putting water in the toilet before pooping. It’s just wrong. Cereal first ensures proper milk distribution. And don't even get me started on cereal bar freaks who claim they’ve “revolutionized breakfast.” No, Brad. You just squished breakfast into a dry brick.

And yet… despite all this evidence, the world refuses to accept the truth: cereal is cold soup. We live in denial because the idea is weird, uncomfortable, and it threatens the very fabric of what we consider “normal.” But someday, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, we’ll rise above our culinary delusions and accept the truth. The soup truth."

- Fares