What can I say? I'm a sexual beast, with Hungarian god like body that can only be made by the hands of God himself. Chicks can't get off the great sculpted body of mine, which they like to butter down with baby oil made from turtle shells. As much as it's enjoyable, I'm not their sexual play toy, I'm a human being with feelings. Not only am I a man of fitness and great charm, I'm a man of integrity, intelligence, kindness, and respect. How do I get these chicks to lay off my flag pole without hurting their feelings? Why God? Why? Do I have to win the genetic lottery? I want to be ugly and fat for one day, so I can be alone.

bald ♥♥♥♥

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⠄⠄⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⣷⣭⣭⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄
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⠄⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢻⣿⣿⡄⠄
⠄⢸⣿⣮⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢹⣿⣿⣿⡟⢛⢻⣷⢻⣿⣧⠄
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⠄⠄⣿⣧⢿⣧⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⣴⣝⠿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣫⣾⣿⣿⡆
⠄⠄⢸⣿⣮⡻⠿⣿⠿⣟⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣿⣿⣿⡇
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⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⢃⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄
⠄⠄⣿⣿⡟⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄
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I'm not gay, but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Mohamed Salah. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him hitting free kicks on the yard outside and running cone drills shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Mohamed Salah. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry and sexually frustrated. Sometimes we will look across the table at dinner and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then he'll go inside, pen a brief missive to his departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without his one true platonic love.