Recent reviews by thesteffasaurus

In the first 100 hours of playing DayZ, I:

- Ate 1 entire pumpkin and threw up.
- Became a zucchini farmer.
- Ate 16 zucchini’s from said farm, but didn’t throw up.
- Had a yard sale… no one came to it.
- Was murdered by zombies who could mysteriously travel through walls, floors, and ceilings to attack me.
- Was also murdered by invisible zombies.
- Was (frequently) murdered by cowards who refused to use their mics (yeah, I’m talking to you; grow a pair and let’s have a conversation like the civilized mofo’s we both are).
- Authored a book called "There Is No Food In Kamywobo" only to eventually die from dehydration and starvation in said town.
- Died one time 26 cans of tactical bacon in my backpack.
- Was revived one time entirely through being force fed tins of tuna.
- Was invited into the world’s nicest clan.
- On the other hand, had a “badmin” blast Queen through my speakers… before murdering me and eating my body.
- Had my legs broken by two teenage boys who told me I had a “sassy mouth”.
- Blasted Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” into the mic upon a grand re-entry into Berezino after I had been previously chased out of it.

Yes, I imagine the real zombie apocalypse will be very similar.