I'm pretty sure he's got Krakk Kokaine in em'.

Ok, ok, I see what's goen on here. It's October and everybody's out and about think’en that Imershard's got some new line of jokes that he's going to hit everybody with and there's going to be laffs for everybody.
Well October is not a funny time. It's a time for fear.
And let me tell you.
The scariest thing about this month
are my tuition fees.

The following is an excerpt taken from the autobiography of Nippy the Napkin™.

Day 72:
It’s been three months since I was born in my Kleenex™ factory. I’ve had to grow up fast. I still remember when I was separated from my 149 other family members… well, 148 family members. Bill was the first to go. No warning, no mercy, nothing. Just took him out of the box and murdered him right there. In a way, I guess he was lucky. I was the second to go. But I was not used up and discarded like trash. It’s been weeks since I was removed from my home, folded up, and placed inside a coat pocket. Here I remain. Soldiering on. As an actual literal soldier carries me through these endless fields of ice and snow. The soldier’s name is Bill by the way.
We march on to Fort Drew Sum Balls On Your Trophies™. Where we are requested to hold the line against the British.

Day 75:
Our company could see the fort. If anyone had energy to, there would probably have been sighs of relief; the fort was still under American command. Just then, gun shots rang out from our flank. No body was hurt though because the shooters were stupid and didn’t realize they had Revolutionary war muskets. We returned fire with some highly superior Civil war Muskets that we had procured from a time traveler from day #69. It was no contest. Our robot assailants had been destroyed. But we were foolish and celebrated our victory to early. Any World War I veteran KNOWS that if you see a robot it’s at least a 78% chance that they were running from pirate robots. These robots were part of the majority. We were dead meat if we had not received aid from the nearby fort which called down an orbital laser strike that liquefied the pirate armada.

Day 76:
Looks like I died.

It was just you, half a slice of pizza, and the harsh terrain of an icy mountain. Oh, and that pack of 16 ravenous, feral,wolves. It was then that you knew you would have to fight for your life- when the mountain started crumbling around you. not crumbling down, but up. You were being sucked into an alien space station.
Just then; you remembered you left the stove on at home. And when you got there you had just enough time to douse out the kitchen. Insurance would only pay for so much. You had to take out a second mortgage on the house. and that was when you realized that "morgage" is actually spelled with a T in morTgage. and you were like: what the hell. and you BARELY were able to stop your self from killing your self.

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