Hi Rick,

This is Ronald from your local McDonald's branch. We need to have a serious conversation about what happened last night.

First, we appreciate your passion for the McFlurry machine, but attempting to "fix it yourself" with a power drill and WD-40 was not the solution. Secondly, your repeated requests for a "McGangBang XXL with extra disrespect" confused and frightened our staff.

Finally, climbing onto the counter, declaring yourself "Grimace’s lost son", and demanding free Big Macs for life was simultaneously impressive and deeply concerning.

We've reviewed the security footage, and management is willing to forget this ever happened if you simply promise not to return in rollerblades. Thank you. 🍔