I don't make mistakes. I'm not just like the rest of you. I am stronger, I am smarter, I am better, I AM BETTER! I'm not some weak kneed ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cry baby that goes around ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ apologizing all the time and why the ♥♥♥♥ would you want me to be? All my life people have tried to control me, my whole life, rich people, powerful people. Tried to muzzle me, cancel me, keep me impotent and obedient, LIKE I'M A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PUPPET! You know what it worked. Because I allowed it to work. And guess what, if they can control me you can bet your ass they can control you. They already do, you just don't realize it. I'm done. I'm done apologizing, I am done being persecuted for my strength. You people should be thanking Christ, THAT I AM WHO AND WHAT I AM BECAUSE YOU NEED ME! You need me to save you! You do. I am the only one who possibly can. You are not the real heroes. I'm the real hero. I'm the real hero.

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Wanna get a mansion, a Jacuzzi
A theater to watch my movies
Couple whips and lots of fancy things
The kids they call the Goonies
I, see the future, crystal ball
Mirror, mirror hangin' on the wall
Who the flyest white boy of them all?
Got your girlfriend screenin' all the calls
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success is the ability to go from one failure to the next failure with enthusiasm. - Chruchill quote

never quit never quit never quit

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“One has to remember that every failure can be a stepping stone to something better.”

Colonel Sanders

Did you just say what I thought you said?

Don’t give me that crap! There’s nothing easy about giving up!

Nothing!

You think I’m just doing nothing, thinking about nothing, cutting myself off from everything, throwing my entire life away, leaving every last thing I know and care about behind, and that’s all it took for me to call it quits? That’s a lie, it was never that easy for me. It was so much easier for me to go on thinking there was something I could do to make a real difference, but I know now there’s nothing I can do. There’s no way out. Understand? The only path everything leads to is giving up. If I could do something, then I’d do it. I swear that I would.

You don’t know what you’re talking about, I have given up, carrying it all was impossible from the very start. My hands are so small that it all slipped through my fingers leaving nothing behind.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! What do you know? What the hell do you actually know about me huh? Nothing! I’ll tell you what kind of man I really am. I have no strength, but I want it all. I have no knowledge but all I do is dream. There’s nothing I can do, but I struggle in vain like an idiot.

I… I hate… I hate myself!

All I do is talk a big game and make myself sound like a big shot when I can’t do anything. I never do anything, yet I complain with the best of them like it’s my job or something. Who the hell do I think I am? I’m a fraud, it’s amazing I can live like this and not feel ashamed. You know I’m right! I’m an empty shell. There’s nothing inside me at all. I know there isn’t. Guess that’s obvious. Anybody could see that. Before I came to this place, before I got into the situation that led me to all of you. Do you have any idea what I did with my life? I did nothing, that’s what. I’ve never done a single thing worth mentioning. I had all that time and freedom and squandered it away on nothing. I could’ve done anything with my life, but I never did a damn thing and what you’re looking at now is the result. This cowardly weak worthless crybaby. All of my powerlessness, all of my incompetence, is the product of my rotten empathetic character. Wanting to accomplish something important when I’ve never done anything it earn it, goes way beyond the limitations of arrogance. The cost of my lifetime of laziness and all the wasteful habits I forged along the way, just ends up killing me.

That’s right, I have no character. Even when I thought I could go on living here, nothing changed about who I really am.

I wasn’t trying to get stronger, or trying to make things better. That was a lie. I was just striking an obvious pose to justify myself. To say that I was trying my best. That it wasn’t like I wasn’t doing anything. To be able to appear to be doing everything I could. I wanted to say I couldn’t help it. To be told that it couldn’t be helped. I was only pretending to push my body to the limit so that all those excuses would be possible. Even when I had you help me study, I was just posing to cover up how embarrassed I felt to be such an incompetent idiot. Deep down inside, at the core of my heart I’m just a small cowardly filthy piece of trash who’s always worried about how they’ll see me, about how they’ll accept or judge me and nothing… nothing about me has changed!

I’ve known it since the very beginning, everything that was happening was my fault. I’m the lowest of the low.

I absolutely hate myself.