I was browsing Amazon to find parts for my new PC. I was almost ready to press the checkout button, when I felt a warm, soft presence on my shoulder. I slowly turn around. It's Linus from Linus Tech Tips. He reaches for my ear with his mouth and whispers "Do you want my tech tip?". He starts moving his hands down my body, slowly, like the CPU speed of a budget PC from Scrapyard Wars. I am sitting still and beginning to sweat like Linus when he tries not to drop an expensive piece of hardware. He reaches for my joystick. I begin turning from software to hardware. He starts moving his hand up and down, begging for me to release my thermal paste so he can maximize cooling in his next build. I begin to ejaculate, my semen reaches over the top of my head and onto his face. As I still moan and squirm, he bits my earlobe. He then whispers in my ear, one last time: "LTTStore dot com". I turn around and he's gone. All that is left is a water bottle with Linus Tech Tips branding.

I am now a true gamer.