Be free! I sexually Identify as a football. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of getting booted across a field or smacked towards goalposts with tremendous speed. People say to me that a person being a football is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful and spherical in shape. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with air and stitch me up with polyurethane or polyvinyl chloride. From now on I want you guys to call me “Size 5” and respect my right to give you a great lot of fun with mates and probably work up a good sweat. If you can’t accept me you’re a sfairesphobe and need to check your sporting privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.