you'd best come back 'fore i whoop your narrow ass, boy

Caught this guy living underground - yeah, off the grid, I guess, but literally under the ground. See, I'm one of the world's leading experts in corrosion; it's a great living, and the pay is insane, because there just aren't that many of us. So, working as a consultant, I get called to lots of insane places you've probably never heard of. Like the time I met this guy. They flew me into this place called "Canadian" in a small town, or something, called "Britain Colombia". Bet there's an interesting history there. So I'm inspecting the rock bolts of the mine that hired me on and everything checks out, when I hear this strange tune coming from behind a sheet. I pull it back and lo and behold: there's this guy blasting tunes from his battery-powered media player! Took the poor guy to the local "KFC" and got him the one-piece chicken. He gave me one of his "fumos" for my trouble. I love the little thing. It's kind of funny looking!

he was a real one

Have You Seen This Fumo?

Had a hankering for some McDonalds one time in Canada when I ran into this guy. I was minding my business in line, waiting for my low price foreign hamburger, when the calm atmosphere of the line was suddenly interrupted by a shrill hiss and the soft sound of felt on the tiled floor. I turn around to see the legend himself frantically collecting his "fumo" dolls - you think they're "sumos", like the fat, lazy Japanese guys, or whatever, but they're "fumos", like maybe fatter sumos? But they're not fat, they're little kids' toys. I think to myself, "hey, I know this guy!" - because I know this guy, I've seen him before, know the area good. Because I've got my GPS. And I offer to help him, because I'm a nice guy. But I see those dolls, and they're covered in some film; real gross. So I walk out of the place, never saw him again! But here he is.

Caught this guy lackin