- I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended.
- Four ruffians break into my house.
- "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle.
- Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man. He's dead on the spot.
- Draw my pistol on the second man. Misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbor's dog.
- I have to resort to the cannon at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot.
- "Tally ho, lads." The grapeshot shreds two men in the blast. The sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.
- Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.
- He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are difficult to stitch-up.
- Just as the founding fathers intended.