Good afternoon sir, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty

Hello iTannerz, I noticed you have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) male, and I am under the presumption that this God is you? I am quite popular around here, so if you require guidance, please throw me a DM. I will assist you at any hour, day or night. Before you are mistaken, I do not seek your hand in a romantic way; although I am not opposed in the event you are interested in me, as many men often are. I am a man of standard, and I do not bow to just any male that comes my way, unlike my peers. Rest assured that I will not be in the way of your gaming and socialising experience. Consider me a Player 2, a companion, a partner, and perhaps we can enjoy some video games together some time. I see you play CS2, and are you good at clutching? I am a CS2 aficionado, so I would be happy to assist you in games. Platonically of course, unless you (like many others) change your mind on that. I look forward to our future together (as friends of course)

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Cool Guy
Let’s be friends for future games

Have a wonderful year
Stay safe & take care

+REP The profile is fire

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So, my friend Tanners thinks he's getting all fancy by putting the letter "i" in front of his name and doing it with any word. Like, iKurwa. I mean, come on, Tanners, you're not fooling anyone with your i-Tanners shenanigans! Pretty soon he'll be insisting we call him iTanners like he's some kind of trendy tech product. Sorry buddy, but no amount of "i" before your name is going to make you the next iPhone. Keep dreaming!

We all want a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
But which one could turn you into Squirtle
Move your tongue into a circle
The right spot is universal
Even better if you can have two
Lickitung will never chew
He will slurp you up like a bowl of soup
And wouldn’t care if you’re Leonardo Blue

𝔒𝔥 𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔢 𝔊𝔬𝔡, ℑ 𝔞𝔠𝔠𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔥𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔰𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲 𝔞 𝔭𝔦𝔠𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔠𝔨 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔟𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔰. 𝔓𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔢 𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔱!! 𝔏𝔢𝔰𝔱... 𝔗𝔥𝔬𝔲 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨? ℌ𝔞𝔥𝔞 ℑ 𝔧𝔢𝔰𝔱. 𝔇𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔱. 𝔖𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔢 𝔠𝔯𝔞𝔳𝔢... ℌ𝔞𝔥𝔞 𝔫𝔞𝔶, 𝔟𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔦𝔱... 𝔏𝔢𝔰𝔱?