self-hatred has grown into something more. it was killing me from inside, which made me change and become a different person. i lose my memories, voice, appearance, character, dreams of my past self, becoming stronger. death does not scare me anymore, as i have already died only not physically, but morally. death has become something close and comforting, it has become an incentive to live and become a better person. self-hatred has not disappeared, only now it is not considered by me as something terrible, scary or a reason to die, it makes me a person that allows me to live.