83 years young
married to my beautiful wife for 804 months
also married to the bag
ethnically ambiguous but white
hot dog eating competition champion in Glendale, Arizona in '84, '85, '87, '93 and came out of retirement to prove I'm still the best in '09
world record holder for longest toenail at 93 inches but the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nazi bureaucrats at Guinness refused to put it in the damn book due to a technicality
proud owner of an 11 inch penis
also the proud owner of the first ever big mouth billy bass
banned from all bass pro shop locations in the continental US since '95
former surgeon
transplanted my heart into my wife and a pig heart into myself in a single afternoon and still watched the superbowl the next day
buried my fortune in southeast asia if you can find it you can keep it
i hate millennials and libtards