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This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

eing mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.

Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ terrible animals.

Koalas are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, ♥♥♥♥ and occasionally scream like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ satan.

The guy that turned me put eggs in my bloodstream and they hatched inside me and overtook my body like it was a meat puppet. I'm sure there's more pleasant ways to gain power in this world but you don't miss a chance when you see one!

I'm pretty sure I'm the anti-chRisrt. Proof? Well. I eat sweets and the people around me GUFFAW AND WRITHE AND DIE and they cannot compatibly blame it on me in their moral capitalist Big Sweet system. so they ATTACK and DEFILE their GOOD NATURED COMPATRIOTS who merely are in on it In a way where they do not know. well I AM IN ON IT. AND I D O KNOW. ID. I AM THE ID. My story? IF I WERE TO BE AN ACTIVIST, I WOULD SURELY SHRIVEL UP AND DIE. *HACK HACK COUGH FOR THE MASSES *VOMITS WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE *SNEEZES* ME. (FOOT NOTE BECASES I AM AWARE THAT SUGAR IS BAD AND THEY ARENT NOT IN THE WAY THAT I AM. ITS A SWEET BASED MAGIC CASTING SYSTEM. AND MAYBE ITS PARTICULARLY STRONG WHEN I EAT THE SWEETS BECAUSE I AM OF SUCH POWER THAT I AM DEFILING AN ANGELIC BODY, THE BODY OF CHRIRST IN A DEDELISH DESESESPFKSPOFJWPOFJWAPJWAJAW NO I DO NOT HAVE HSCIZOPHORENIHA NO IDO DIES

When vampires were mainstream, fell in love with Edward Cullen. Asked a guy to role-play vampire sex. I thought he'd dress all black, put on fake fangs, and make his hands cold under ice water. I'm all lace and curls, and he's been in the bathroom for two hours. I hear the door open. I'm in a picture pose, excited. And he comes in: shaved head, fangs, false nails, white foundation, black cape, and screams: "I am Nosferatu, the terror flying on the wings of the night." Anyway, I don't like role-playing anymore.

I came up with this coool thing. When people ask "How ar

Today I was eating my sultana bran. Dog food, I call it. VAm-dog? Cuz really, I'm a vampire at heart. A sweet heart. Rotten to the core of this great city. A deep, dark city. Dark like my heart. Bark, bark.

Just the other day I was thinking about the fact that I'm a vamoire. I was ouat the street son New yORk. And wOW it a

I AM A VAMPIRE. I AM SURE OF IT. TODAY I DRANK RED CORDIAL. IMPOLITELY. YOU COULD SAY IT WSA NOT CORDIAL FO ME. IT WAS THE INNOCENTS. I READ 40 WIKIPEDIA PAGES ABOUT NAS. I READ THE WIKI PAGE FOR 'ROAD MOVIES' SO MANY TABS. I STILL AINT EVEN WATCHED HOW TO MAKE A GOD

I think I might be a vampire. People keep asking me if I am hungry. No matter how much I eat. This rage. This cold, cold rage. They shake my hand, and tell me it is cold. They ask me if I have eaten.

Got any chickie nuggies?

As a consequence people who dislike Disco Elysium truly ARE idiots—of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in the Detective’s existencial catchphrase “I’m not a communist, I’m a humanist!” which itself is a cryptic reference to the fact that the game was made by Estonians. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Robert Kurvitz’s genius unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools… how I pity them.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Disco Elysium. The game is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical communism most of the references will go over a typical player’s head. There’s also the Detective’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation—his personal philosophy draws heavily from Marx’s Das Kapital, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they’re not just funny—they say something deep about LIFE.

This player is fantastically talented, just needs to work on communication, aim, map awareness, crosshair placement, economy management, pistol aim, awp flicks, grenade spots, smoke spots, pop flashes, positioning, bomb plant positions, retake ability, bunny hopping, spray control and getting kills. Also, I am a vampire.

So i was watching rick and morty right, and it was just a casual night and i was just watching rick and morty. Well, out of nowhere the funniest ♥♥♥♥ happened. Rick and Morty, Season 3, Episode 3, 56 seconds in. At the time, this was happening, The scientist guy, Rick, was nowhere to be found. Morty tried to look for him but all he found was just a mere little pickle on the desk. You know what happened? He heard ricks voice, somewhere around the room. Morty used a screwdriver to flip the pickle over and...you’ll never believe this, IT WAS RICK! HE WAS A PICKLE!! I kid you not, he’s called PICKLE RICK! PICKLE RICK!!! LMAO!!!! I was rolling on the floor laughing! My chest was in pain and i almost felt that i was going to suffocate!! Funniest ♥♥♥♥ i’d ever seen, i’ll tell you that. Im still laughing thinking about it. Awww man, you had to be there. It was just so funny.

The magic of Quake 3 is that unlike every shooter after it you can move much faster than your maximum base speed of 320 units per second with a combination of mouse and keyboard movements that force you to look away from the direction of where you're trying to move while pressing the directional inputs in that direction. It's very similar to the kinematics of actually sprinting, except you accelerate from it. Meanwhile every attack from an enemy pushes you significantly off course. Quake is a shooter and a racing game. It's arguably a virtual martial art.

+rep hunts vampires and bloons

I carry the last vestiges of the true purpose of the Van Helsing name. We are mortal, we are hunters, we bring the light to those who are men no more. At least, we did. Our clan is a faded cause, and what remnants remain are those of a culture war that paints the enemy as cool and sexy. Twilight was a great mistake, and for the sake of humanity, I have done nothing but post about how literally anything else is a better love story. It really honestly sucks ass. ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ series for some dumbass tweenage girls. Every night, I carve wooden stakes, rounded, smoothed, and put them up my butthole. This is for fun and has no relation to vampire hunting. I also eat a lot of garlic bread. To adapt myself, I don't even use the nighttime eye comfort filter on my computer screen. Yeah, no one talks about Twilight anymore, but one day at night, I will be ready, waiting.

For years, I have stalked bloodbags in the night for my next hit of energy. The vigor is intense, but what they do not tell you about is the relaxation, let alone the relief. Since giving in to my blood addiction, I have become cool, calm, and collected to an unmatched extent. Nobody messes with me anymore, things go my way, life is an entirely different beast. It is I who is the beast, lurking in the night. I drink only the best virgin blood, from the fittest humans and worthiest fights. The nights are exhilarating, and in the mornings I sleep like a baby. I prepare now for a years' rest, in which I shall undergo a vampiric metamorphosis, entering a new stage of power. You haven't lived til you've been undead, and it only goes deeper. To the mortal bloodbags out there, good luck, enjoy the sunshine. Know that we are the keepers of the moonlight, and it feels so, so very good.

Earlier in middle school i was always known as the quiet kid. I used to hiss at people, avoid sunlight and always wear black. You might think that im just being emo. BUT I AM NOT EMO. I AM NOTHING LIKE AN EMO, PEOPLE JUST ASSUME THE WORST AND LEAVE IT AT THAT WHEN THE SITUATION IS FAR MORE SERIOUS THAN THEY COULD EVER REALIZE. Fast forward to a few years and im in high school. At this point the sunlight burns my skin. I screech whenever i see sunlight. I have my windows boarded up with wood planks i ripped from my attic. (There were a few dead mice) Then i hid under my thick blanket in complete darkness and opened my phone. The light blinded me but at least it wasn’t sunlight. I opened my appletv and clicked on the movie “Hotel Transylvania”. I’ve always related to Dracula and Mavis. It was destiny. I watch it 7 times (the entire 3 movies) and then go to bed at 4:30 am right before hissing at the moon. I get a nice sleep and wake up at 9pm.

What are my powers you ask? I have the ability to withdraw the energy from your body. A psychic vampire. This kind of vampire is special because I can still go out in the sun and have a normal functioning life. I feed off energy instead of blood.

So, here I am now, I've had my powers for little over 3 years. They're great. I'm in very high respect of the elders and I've become a sire to a few of my own underlings.

https://il2.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/7230592/thumb/1.jpg Pic related, It is me.

PS: Perfect response: "So tell me OP, how does it feel to have schizophrenia

Are there any vampires on Reddit?

I mean real, true vampires. I am.

I had my awakening when I was 17. After a night of hanging out with some friends, I was visited by a vampire. He called himself Triumverus Caer. He came in through my bedroom window and spoke to me about his ability and his council.

He placed his hands upon my chest and I soon felt very cold. I dropped to my knees and looked up to him. He grabbed me by my neck and sunk his beautiful fangs into it. Oh, the feeling of such power coursing through my veins was almost orgasmic, I passed out from the pleasure.

When I awoke, there was a small scroll on the floor in front of my body. I sat up slowly, my whole body was dead cold. When i reached out for it and read it. I understood it completely. This is strange because it was written in Latin. It told me about my newfound powers.

asked my teacher for a blood break at school during class today. She gave me a sanitary pad and was like no...a blood break can go drink my blood pouch...I'm not on my period you dump b*tch I'm a vampire we don't get periods. Mortals being oblivious amuses me.

I feel more alive at night. Im a night person. Im not a huge fan of the sun even though I can perfectly stand it!

I can only sleep in freezing cold. My windows are always open at night.

I sleep much better when im covered from head to toe in countless blankets when I sleep. It makes me feel secure.

I know that im going to age and die just like everyone else. I know I can die just like humans right now.

I shift it seems. Its hard to explain but I truly feel I shift.

I dont want to be a vampire. I wish I was human.

I dream weird things. In my dreams, im almost always immortal. Its tough to verbally explain the feeling. Its a gut feeling.

I know that nobody can tell me what I am or what im not. I just would like to know what you all personally think of my feelings and why you think that. Please no trolls. I have read for hours and hours about just Otherkin stuff and I feel that I relate.

Do YOU think im a vampire Otherkin? Why or why not.

I feel like I am a vampire. I know most people would think i'm crazy if I ever told them that. Do you guys think I may be an vampire? This is how I personally feel... I know that I cant transform into a bat or whatever many people tend to think. I know that my body right now is all human. I just think I am a vampire in soul and was in a past life. I was raised up as a Christian, also I did not get these "ideas" from the internet web. I also am not going to really tell anyone about any of this. I can function very good in everyday life too. I feel like a vampire because I like to look young on the outside. I like looking like a youthful person. I am vegan (I know, ironic) but I feel that I get energy by feeding on other people's energies. I feel almost high-like when I touch someone and just focos on them. I dont suck blood. Im NEVER going to suck blood in this life.

Every vampire will die at my hands . They think they can just run around and everywhere they show up they will be received with a applause , and once second later they kill everyone for sport . Not on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ watch. I will kill them all , and every time ,before i kill one i will say a cringy vampire pun like " Is Dracula married ? No , he is a bat-chelor " . I fukken hate vampires ♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥ you f

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ i ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate them , with their fancy dresses and parties and fangs , spending eternity doing ♥♥♥♥ all, ruining our economy . If you castrate a male vampire he is gonna kill himself cause all these lazy ♥♥♥♥♥ do is eat and ♥♥♥♥ ,they never produce anything. You thought a vampire is suppose to be like a smart inventor like Dracula ? Nope , all of these inventions you see around you were made by our mortal ancestors . I am sick and tired of women falling for these guys and not for me . I am sick of them being known as the supperior race , and us as the inferior race . I am going to kill every single vampire and i will not rest until i dance on their graves .

Why the ♥♥♥♥ is it every time a vampire in media shows up , when these bloodsucking ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ show up , people feel charmed and not angry at this thing that seeks to feast on their blood and kill us all for sports ? Why do all women like vampires in movies? I swear to god i ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate vampires so much they piss me off to no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ end . A normie sees a vampire irl and they think something romantic is gonna happen , nope the next second they are getting their blood sucked out and they die . How does anyone fall for this dumb love beam ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ power . I hate vampires so much , these degenerates want to take our lives , and breed us as cattle how could you not hate them . And they always play with their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ food , i mean if you gonna kill me to eat me can you at least let me die with a bit of dignity ?I hate them with a fiery passion i just want to dismember them and set them on fire .

My Name is Kelly Williams from Canada, i turn to a vampire any time i want to, I become a real vampire because of how people treat me, This world is a wicked world and not fair to any body. At the snack of my finger things are made happened. Am now a powerful vampire and no one step on me without an apology goes free. I turn to human being also at any time i want to. And am one of the most dreaded and respected person in my country. i am now also very famous and rich with the help of the VAMPIRES EMPIRE. i get what ever a want. i become a vampire through the help of my friend who introduce me into a vampire Kingdom by given me their email, if you want to become a powerful and a real vampire kindly contact the vampire kingdom on their email for help. it is real. Contact them today.

Hey I am 1500 year old vampire lord, who was hit on the nogged more than once, ranging from a catapult, ballista and trebuchet from the antiquity and the middle ages to V2 rockets and Howitzer cannons rockets during World War 2, not mentioning the time I got run over by a Tiger 2 King Panzer several times by the same tank, a couple of landmines during my time in the Korean and Vietnam War and lastly Atom Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki,...granted I was drunk as hell on blood wine that time, so yeah give a break man, Despite the fact that I have a literal perfect memory, every account being recorded like a movie, I get distracted and lose track of certain details, very rarely I might add, like 1 every 100 years or so, but its a minor thing, good thing I can teleport, Fortunately, that was one 10 minutes ago, so yeah my thanks now if you will excuse me I must partake in something "fresh!"

Bought 600 steam games. Not sleeping well. Not going to school. Forcing people to buy windows 10. Lying. Not answering 12th question and questions after that. Drawind triangles and pentagrams and hexagons, collecting saturn photos, sometimes talking unknown languages. Using secret mathematic codes. Feeding snakes, cats, owls. Being alcholic and weed smoker but living long. Having negative blood and blue eyes, white skin. Being able to walk on walls. I got you morons.

Doesn't matter how skilled you are. You will get obliterated by a skilled vampire. There's a reason why there aren't many hunters today. They thought they could go up against us, and now most of them are dead. And plus most of humanity think we are myths. We are more powerful than you think. Actually, they put the truth in the movies. The truth is right in your face. It's actually so easy to be a vampire in 2020. Say you aren't a vampire, and people will believe you. Say you are a vampire, and people won't believe and say you're cosplaying. It's just so funny to me.

One of my classmates called me a vamphobic slur today so I bit her hand. Turns out her parents are lawyers and they might sue bc she “contracted tetanus”…sure she did. I’m so effing sick of mortals

Ok so i have a new boyfriend "yay" and we have been seeing each other for about a month now :P

anyway, the other night we had a twilight marathon (i LOVE twilight) and a dream of mine is to have a vampire boyfriend!

I've been experimenting with eating my own blood ever since the twilight books first came out- i consider myself to be a vampire now- i usually just save the blood i lose naturally each month (i usually just keep the tampons in the freezer etc.) and suck on them or eat them later.

I decided that i would try and "turn" my new boyfriend. So i've been cooking my blood into his food when he comes over- i have tried making blood pudding as well, but that only works if i've had a heavy flow (you need A LOT of blood)- so i usually just add a little bit of blood into the marinade or pasta sauce etc. etc. He has absolutely no idea :P

i've been doing this for about 3-4 weeks- do you think he would be a vampire by now?

Yeah I would say that I'm a vampire. I have been a vampire ever since Twilight came out. You probably just think that I'm some sick ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fanboy but naahh. I am telling you, I am a vampire. If you normies try to ♥♥♥♥ with me I will turn you into one. Or kill you. Before Twilight came out I was a furry. I watched that freaky furry porn ♥♥♥♥ and I just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ loved it. If you want to be a vampire, feel free to become one. Nothing is stopping you bro. Nothing is stopping you. I'm out, take care and stay bloody. xDD rawr