Q: Is he single?
A: No.

Q: Can I have his number? I promise I won’t call him, I just need it for my files.
A: No.

Q: If I put in headphones and listen to him saying “yes we can” over and over again on a loop, does it count as cheating?
A: Every relationship is different, but they all have a little room for Barack Obama.

Q: Did he really deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?
A: We’ll just say this: he deserved it more than Woodrow Wilson did.

Q: How can I travel back in time and tell myself not to take him for granted?
A: Wormhole. Your best bet is a wormhole in space.