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⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⣌⣍⠄⣆⠄⡆⢀⣙⣡⣿⣿⢸⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡟⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⠏⣾⣿
⣿⣿⠏⣴⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠻⣿⣴⡌⡿⣿
⣟⣛⢈⣹⣿⣿⣿⣦⣥⣿⢯⠉⣿⣷⣬⣴⣿⣯⡲⠸⠿
⣯⣿⢰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣡⣾⣿⣿⠇⠹⣿⣿⡿⠛⢛⠻⣿
⣟⣀⣬⣿⣦⣝⠛⢃⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣘⢛⣫⣴⣿⠦⠄⢻⣿⢰⣦⣼⣷⢸
⡏⠉⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⢸⣿⡘⣿⡄⣶⣾
⡟⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⢸⣿⢃⣿⣧⢸
⣧⢠⣾⣿⣿⣏⣛⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣭⡴⣿⡋⠋⣼
⣿⣦⡙⢿⡿⠿⢿⣿⠆⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⡿⠟⡋⠼⢛⣛⣛⣛⣃⣬⣴⣾⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣭⣤⣤⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⣤⣵⣶⣿⣿
What does garlic do when it gets hot?
- It takes its cloves off
I now go back to my slumber, dad jokes over
What do priests put on their salad?
- Lettuce spray
How do farmers party?
- They turnip the beets
Where's the safest place to hide from a ghost?
- The living room
Rainbows aren't very heavy
- They're actually pretty light
What's the difference between a Dad joke and a Bad joke?
- A letter
The NFL is expanding in Europe! What do they call the quarterback?
- 250 millibacks!
I searched for a lighter on Amazon
- All I could find were 6,000 matches
What’s the least-spoken language in the world?
- Sign language
I wouldnt buy anything with velcro
- its a total rip-off
What do you call a pudgy psychic?
- A four-chin teller.
What did the nose say to the finger?
- stop picking on me
I poured root beer in a square glass.
- Now I just have beer.
Why can't a leopard hide?
- Because it's always apotted
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
- Because he was outstanding in his field
Why should you always on on the refrigerator door?
- because there might be a salad dressing
Which bear is the most condescending?
- a pan-duh
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
- It was two-tired
Why are elevator joke so good?
- They work on so many levels
I have a joke about pizza
- but it's too cheesy
When does a joke become a dad joke?
- when it becomes apparent
Why are piggy banks so wise?
- They are filled with common cents
What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password?
- 1forest1
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?
- They work on many levels
What is the most popular fish in the ocean?
- A starfish
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
- They're both Paris sites
What did one hat say to the other?
- Stay here! I'm going on ahead.
I'm afraid for the calendar.
- Its days are numbered
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
- I don't know, but the flag is a big plus
What did the ocean say to the beach?
- Nothing, it just waved
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long
- Because then it would be a foot.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
- They'd crack each other up
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
- Sofishticated
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
- Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
Why was miss Claus mad at Santa?
- He had too many ho ho ho's
What do elves listen to?
- wrap music
Why do bees have sticky hair?
- Because they use a honeycomb
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
- Supplies!
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
- So'fish'ticated
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
- They're both Paris sites
What kind of car did Jesus drive?
- a Christler
How does the moon cut its hair?
- Eclipse it
Why are skeletons so calm?
- because nothing gets under their skin
What do you call an alligator that wants to be a detective?
- an investigator
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos
What music does a fish listen to?
- something catchy
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
- because he's a fun-gi
What do you call a prisoner taking their own mug shot?
- a cell-fie
What did the plate say to the other plate?
- dinners on me