When I start up this game, I see a really blurry picture of a guy who looks like Gordon Freeman holding a hatchet. Then when I press start I'm dropped into the middle of some sort of desert/forest/lake area. There's a short loop of a wind sound playing. My character is holding his hand out like he's got a gun, but he doesn't. There's a flashlight shining magically in front of me from out of nowhere. As I clumsily climb a nearby hill through an obscene amount of motion blur I see a building in the distance but assume it's part of a flat skybox graphic because the depth of field is horrible and everything is deliberately out of focus. As I head towards it I realize it is actually real. I hear a weird noise as I cross a lake, then notice spider arms to the left and right of the screen as my life meter slowly drops. I turn around but keep running backwards. I see a giant...thing. Maybe a spider? Or a crayfish? Can't be sure, but eventually it quits trying to softly hug me to death and runs away sideways for no reason at all. After a long boring walk, I finally make it to the buildings. I find a gun, and after much frustration realize I can pick it up by pressing E on my keyboard (no button on my Xbox 360 controller will do it). A moment later everything freezes for a few seconds while the game loads up some music and an army of identical black zombies in orange jumpsuits. As they slide unnaturally around the stage I shoot them and they begin to flop all over the place, stretching and morphing like blobs of silly putty. Sometimes another spider-crayfish shows up and tries to hug me some more. Sometimes one will shoot a fireball the size of a truck at me, and my graphics suddenly choke so bad I beg for the slip-sliding army of incompetent zombie clones and spider-crayfish to end my life. Finally it happens and I quit.

I do not understand what I've just experienced. I got this game for free in some bundle, but somehow I still feel ripped off.