Recent reviews by Potatopus

This is my first Soulslike and I’m already questioning every life decision. I just beat the first policeman boss and I feel like I’ve been through a full character arc.

The combat is stupidly satisfying — landing a perfect parry makes me feel unstoppable for 2 seconds ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) before I immediately get folded again.

Also, I can’t walk past mannequins in H&M anymore without thinking I need to slash them first… just to be safe.

Help. I think I’m getting addicted..

Recommended ✔️

Is Assassin’s Creed Valhalla a classic stealthy assassin experience?
No.

Is it a Viking power fantasy where you bonk Saxons, raid monasteries, and shout at people while dual-wielding axes?
Absolutely yes. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

Let’s get this out of the way first:
This game is more “ANGRY WARRIOR WITH A HOOD” than “silent blade in the shadows”.
If you come in expecting Ezio-level sneaky assassin business, you might bounce off it a bit.

But if you come in expecting:
• Raids 🔥
• Shield walls 🛡️
• Brutal combat ⚔️
• And a map absolutely packed with stuff to do (sometimes too much stuff 👀)

Then Valhalla delivers the goods.

Yes, it can be repetitive.
Yes, there are a lot of “go here, do thing, get shiny” moments.
But honestly? The core gameplay loop is fun enough that my brain happily goes into Viking autopilot mode.

Eivor (female) deserves a special mention.
She’s cheeky, confident, occasionally sarcastic, and feels way more interesting than a lot of Ubisoft protagonists.
Every time she opens her mouth it’s like:
“Yes queen, go off.”

Now for the personal highlight:

I RAIDED A MONASTERY IN ELY.

Yes, MY Ely.
As someone from a village just outside of Ely, nothing has ever made me prouder than burning down my own local monastery while screaming like a Norse lunatic.
History teachers hate this one simple trick.

At that moment I transcended humanity and became a full Viking.
Proud. Emotional. Slightly unhinged.

And let’s be real — during raids the game gives off strong:
“Yeah boyyyyy, let it burn” Ainsley Harriott energy 🔥🔥🔥
You’re smashing doors, looting chests, setting everything on fire like you’re seasoning England itself.

Final Verdict:
Assassin’s Creed Valhalla is not the stealthiest AC game.
It is long, loud, sometimes repetitive, and very warrior-y.

But it’s also fun, atmospheric, surprisingly charming, and lets me roleplay as a Viking who terrorised Cambridgeshire (Sorry, Grantebridge...) — which frankly is priceless.

Play it like a Viking, not an assassin, and you’ll have a great time.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) 🪓

I fired up Mad Max (2015) in the Year of Our Lord 2025, fully expecting a dusty relic, a fossilized AAA artifact from the era when games shipped finished. What I got instead was a chrome-plated slap across the face of modern gaming.

This game is 10 years old and still casually walking into 2025 AAA releases like:

“Oh, you spent 400 million dollars and need a roadmap?
Cute. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

“Here’s a car skin for $19.99”
“Engine upgrades in Season 4”

“Here’s a rusted V8. Go kill a man with it.”

"Battlefield 6 — aka BF4’s hotter but slightly confused cousin ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Single-player? Mid. Tried to seduce CoD but ended up crying in the shower.
Big maps? Perfection. Explosions, chaos, and that one guy flying a helicopter upside down.
Small maps? CoD: Ground War DLC confirmed.

Main menu looks like Netflix had a mental breakdown.
Battlepass? Either sell your weekend or your wallet — your choice, soldier.
New skins? Straight outta CoD2042. Please, EA, let me toggle “classic drip only.”

Still… when it works, it slaps harder than a C4 Jeep yeet.
Would recommend — but I’ll probably be crawling back to BF4 like a toxic ex.

🔥 8/10 explosions. Needs more big maps, less Netflix. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This game? THIS FOOKIN’ CANVAS OF INSANITY BRO...
What even is real anymore? Am I the brush or the bleeding masterpiece?

DAY 1: Boot it up, all peaceful-like, thinking I’m just gonna walk around a French dreamscape, maybe kiss a cloud, pick a flower, paint a nice little mountain with Bob Ross energy.
NAH. NOT TODAY, MON AMI.
First 10 seconds in and the SKY LITERALLY STARTS DELETING PEOPLE like it's got a vendetta against beautiful souls with deep backstories. Everyone’s standing around like “Ah yes, the Paintress has begun her divine purge,” and I’m just here in my dressing gown HOLDING A SWORD MADE OF MEMORIES and screaming internally.

ME: “Oi mate, where’s the tutorial?”
GAME: “You are the tutorial.”
ME: "Fock."

So me and this crew, right — this gang of beautifully broken legends, each one looking like they walked out of a French art school after surviving 12 existential crises and one wine-induced apocalypse — we’re off on some mission. No one explains fully what we’re doing, but it’s clear it involves TRAUMA, HOPE, and SLASHING THROUGH METAPHORS.

We enter our first surrealist battlefield and BAM! Gravity? Optional. Reality? Flexible. I’m dodging an angry statue with anxiety issues while my mate recites poetry mid-fight and heals me with his childhood memories.
Combat? 10/10. Feels like if Dark Souls did ballet with a loaded paint palette.

At one point, we’re exploring this dreamy-as-hell town where everything looks like it was designed by a drunk philosopher — and one of our team starts getting all moody, talking about the nature of death, fate, and breakfast cereal. I’m vibing. Then a GIANT CREATURE made of discarded dreams and regret charges us from nowhere and I literally yell IRL “NOT THE VASELINE DEMON AGAIN!”

We fight it. Win. Barely. My controller's sweating. I’m sweating. The game’s sweating.
Our squad doesn’t celebrate. They reflect. They process.
Me? I’m in the corner spinning in existential despair and joy.

Couple days later in-game and tensions are rising. Turns out, not everyone's being 100% honest. People got secrets, pain, love triangles, philosophical vendettas. I’m just trying to survive and maybe find a nice little corner of the world where I’m not being judged by a sentient brushstroke.

Then — not a spoiler, just a vibe — something BIG happens. Like, “oh FOCK me mate” levels of narrative revelation. Me jaw dropped so hard it dented the floor. The stakes go from “save the world” to “save yourself FROM yourself AND the world AND the concept of linear time.”

I ain’t even mad. I’m impressed. This game goes deep.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) This game is a literal slaughterhouse! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Forget "woke" storylines and "social messages" – this is pure, unadulterated, blood-soaked Space Marine carnage! ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)

Rip through hordes of xenos like tissue paper, level entire cities with your chainsword, and unleash hell on anything that moves. It's like Doom, but with even bigger chainswords and way more power armor! ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ

If you're craving a game that's just about blowing stuff up and looking cool while doing it, this is your jam! (งツ)ว

I'M STILL STANDING!

This is going to be an unpopular opinion to most of you I'm sure, but I just couldn't enjoy this game. I really REALLY want to like this Metro series, but this game feels like an absolute slog to get through. I never go into a game to pick it apart, I always want to find the enjoyable aspects and focus on that, however this was one game I simply couldn't do that for.

Please find the bad, good and overall below.

The Bad:
• Combat is clunky and repetitive.
• Horror aspect is extremely mild.
• Characters are bland.
• No interesting game mechanics.
• Gunplay feels extremely underwhelming.
• Lens flares and spotlights are overly disorientating.
• Voice Acting is terrible (at least the English Dub).
• NPC Dialogue is extremely boring.
• The game feels so slow (pace & movement).
• Mutant & Enemy Variance is lacking.

The Good:
• Atmosphere is pretty good.
• Ambience is decent.
• Game was super cheap on Steam Sale.

Overall:
The game doesn't know what it wants to be, a horror or an action fps. It's like it tried taking inspiration from Fallout, Half Life & F.E.A.R but fails to nail any of the overall USPs these games offer. In the end you just get a bland boring FPS with no soul which feels extremely aged (especially since my last game playthroughs were: The Last of us, Titanfall 2 and Wolfenstein: The Old Blood).

I know this game has a massive loyal following and fanbase and maybe it's similar for myself and the original Half-Life (1998) that this will forever be a gem for me as it holds so many fond memories and nostalgia, but sadly I just couldn't get into this Metro game. I will however give Last Light and Exodus a go.

Singleplayer Campaign Review: FRIGGIN AWESOME!
The campaign itself is around 5-7 hours depending on the difficulty you play, but it's honestly top tier from start to finish. The gunplay is some of the best I've encountered in any game. They nailed it. Also, once you get your titan, you feel like an absolute monster. BT is love, BT is life.

Since the latest patch, this actually runs pretty decently. However, if you're not running a high-end system - I'd recommend watching some optimisation guides on YT in order to get the best performance and visuals without seeing your FPS tank in certain areas.

This game is still an absolute masterpiece. If you've never played it before - it's a MUST PLAY.
However, if you played the original PS3/PS4 versions, I'd honestly recommend waiting until it goes on sale since it's essentially the same game, but with gameplay/visual improvements.

Honestly the game itself is not that bad, however the company who made it simply doesn't understand their audience anymore and the game has failed to progress as people would hope since it's initial release in 2016.

This is key Blizzard standard, have a game under your belt which has the potential to be massive, neglect it and let other companies re-invent it with more love, passion and dedication. Then wonder why your playerbase is disappointed and leaving your game? - That's modern Blizzard for you.

I won't go into too much detail on why Overwatch plummeted into the failure it is today, but I'll provide some bullet points that cover some of the highlights...

• New heroes introduced at an incredibly slow rate.
  
• Too much focus on the lore that it restricted the development of new heroes/maps.
  
• Promised PvE mode literally retracted after many players pre-ordered OW2 based on this main gameplay feature.
  
• Hero talent tree feature retracted.
  
• Forced it into e-sports and balanced heroes around the Overwatch League standard of gameplay.
  
• Screwed up game balance that some Heroes got temporarily deleted from the game due to f*ck ups.
  
• Rather than focusing on introducing new and fun heroes that suit a plethora of styles, developers focus/nerf and make existing heroes less fun to play to ensure balance it kept.
  
• MONETISATION, it's absolutely disgusting... $$$$
  
• An extremely overpriced and grindy Battlepass implemented.
  
• Selling PvE content as DLC..
  
• Removal of free loot boxes / free rewards. Everything seems to be behind a paywall now.
  
• Reducing teams to 5v5 resulting in team fights being very 'samey', lost the flow of the hectic fun that 6v6 used to provide.
  
• Literally removed maps that used to exist, so you actually get LESS content now.
  
• Player experience/levels, gone - hope you enjoyed grinding your heart out in OW1 for it to mean literally nothing.
  
• Looking for group feature removed.
  
• Medals & on-fire system, gone.
  
• End-Game Rating Cards, gone.
  
• New heroes are locked behind Battlepass, pay to unlock or grind your life away trying to reach level 45.

Despite all that Blizzard did for me, I hate you for what you have become.