Recent reviews by Sebatis

Today I called up my homie Long D-I-C-K (LD) to hang out. We watched a movie at the theatre about the Loneliest Robot in the World. It was an 8-minute animated feature.

Today I got into a footrace with a crazy man-hating b*tch at the beach. I literally had a heart attack and died from running so hard, ten feet from the finish line, while she laughed and taunted me and did a victory dance.

Today I bailed out my dumb-@ss, crack-smoking, delinquent-@ss cousin JB and his dumb-@ss, crack-smoking, delinquent-@ss girlfriend by doing his damn job for him towing cars. I saved one guy from getting run over by a train.

Today I met up with my new friend Beverly, who is a delusional, anarchist paparazzi conspiracy theorist (and a dude) and we broke into the house of a certain teen celebrity who is known for being a wholesome virgin saint, only to find and videotape her getting @nal-f*cked by her virgin boyfriend at their in-home tennis court. She wasn't happy about it.

Today I followed a police chase and watched the perp run over the cop as he got out of his car, before he got himself shot dead by the cop's partner. When the cop ran off chasing the passenger I ran over, took the dead man's wallet and the dead porker's sidearm and jacked the police car for a joyride.

Today I got killed by some motherf*cker named duckling95. He ran his armoured American piece of sh*t vehicle into my expensive stolen Italian hotness on the freeway. I started shooting his b*tch-@ss only to realize his car was the aforementioned armored piece of sh*t American tank on wheels. He f*cked up my axle and front driver side housing so I ditched the car and found an escort limo with a machine gun mounted on top just sitting in a parking lot. But I couldn't break into it and this duckling95 motherf*cker just rolled up on me and plugged me in the head before I could whip out my stolen police-issue 9mm.

Welcome to GTA V.
- Seb.