[The Engineer is sitting in front of a blue truck, strumming his guitar. The track "More Gun" plays.]

Engineer: Hey look, buddy. I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.

[A shot rings out and a bullet hole appears next to the Engineer's head.]

Engineer: Not problems like "What is beauty?", 'cause that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

[Another two bullet holes appear, on the other side of the Engineer's head.]

Engineer: I solve practical problems!

[The shot zooms out to show a level 2 sentry shooting offscreen while the Engineer takes a long drink from his beer.]

Heavy: AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Engineer: For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean Mother-Hubbard from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind? [A level 1 sentry turns around and shoots a sniper who was trying to creep up on the Engineer from behind.]

Okay, if I... if I chop you up in a meat grinder, and the only thing that comes out, that's left of you, is your eyeball, you'r- you're PROBABLY DEAD! You're probably going to - not you, I'm just sayin', like, if you- if somebody were to, like, push you into a meat grinder, and, like, your- one of your finger bones is still intact, they're not gonna pick it up and go, "Well see, yeah it wasn't deadly, it wasn't an instant kill move! You still got, like, this part of your finger left!" NO I'M NOT GONNA PUT YOU INTO A MEAT GRINDER. I'M NOT GONNA PUT YOU INTO A MEAT GRINDER. NO. I'm making a reference to the fact that, like, if I, like, if I were to get ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ KILLED... I don't know, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'. If- if- okay, if you were to- okay we're gonna take humans out of this, if alien Globgobglobgo 1 ♥♥♥♥♥♥' shoots a disintegrating ray at alien Globglo 2, if there's only ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TEETH LEFT, it's- it's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ you're dead, you're dead.

╔╗╔╦══╦═╦═╦╗╔╗ ★ ★ ★
║╚╝║══║═║═║╚╝║ ☆¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.¸☆
║╔╗║╔╗║╔╣╔╩╗╔╝ ★ ℕ𝔼𝕎 𝕐𝔼𝔸ℝ ☆
╚╝╚╩╝╚╩╝╚╝═╚╝ ￥☆★☆★☆￥★☆★☆￥★☆ 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟲 ❤︎

Been a year since you commented on my profile. So I'm responding back.

Carrots weren’t always orange!

Originally, carrots were purple, white, yellow, or red. The orange carrot we know today was developed in the 17th century in the Netherlands. According to popular (though somewhat debated) legend, Dutch growers bred orange carrots as a tribute to William of Orange, the leader of the Dutch independence movement. The orange variety caught on, and eventually became the most common type worldwide.

So, in a way, your modern carrot is a patriotic vegetable! 🥕

[The son begins to record himself, reacting to a video displayed which shows a large slab of meat being seasoned with mustard and too much pepper.]

Son: I ain't never seen no mustard on there but it might be good though! My dad might know better I'm boutta give it to him.

[The son passes his phone over to his Dad.]

Dad: Oh, mustard. Come on man, now dont put no mustard on there you need to put a little seasoning on that thing. What? Man, come on now get that pepper off there! Come on, somebody come get this man! Come on now! Come on get that pepper off, that just too much doggone pepper! I don't even want to see this no more.

[The Dad passes his phone back to the son.]

Son: Aw, what happened no- God! Oh my god! Yo why you putting all that pepper on there? Take that off off there! Get that pepper off of Agh-

[The video abruptly ends.]