dominates every round, add me up

⠴⢮⠭⠍⠉⠉⠒⠤⣀
⢀⢊　　　　　　 ⢱⠊⠑⡀
⠋⡎  ⣀⡠⠤⠠⠖⠋⢉⠉  ⡄⢸
⣘⡠⠊⣩⡅  ⣴⡟⣯⠙⣊  ⢁⠜
　　 ⣿⡇⢸⣿⣷⡿⢀⠇⢀⢎
　 ⠰⡉  ⠈⠛⠛⠋⠁⢀⠜  ⢂
　 　 ⠈⠒⠒⡲⠂⣠⣔⠁    ⡇  ⢀⡴⣾⣛⡛⠻⣦
　　　　⢠⠃  ⢠⠞    ⡸⠉⠲⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣷⡌⢷
   ⢀⠔⠂⢼    ⡎⡔⡄⠰⠃      ⢣  ⢻⣿⣿⣿⠘⣷
 ⡐⠁    ⠸⡀  ⠏  ⠈⠃        ⢸　 ⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⡇
 ⡇    ⡎⠉⠉⢳    ⡤⠤⡤⠲⡀  ⢇    ⣿⣿⣿⣇⣿⣷
 ⡇  ⡠⠃    ⡸    ⡇  ⡇  ⢱⡀  ⢣  ⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄
 ⠑⠊ 　 　⢰　   ⠇ ⢸ 　⡇⡇　 ⢳  ⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
　　　　⢠⠃    ⡸ ⡎    ⡜ ⡇ 　 ⡇    ⠻⡏⠻⣿⣿⣄
　　　 ⣔⣁⣀⣀⡠⠁ ⠈⠉⠉⠁⣎⣀⣀⡸ feg

i done ate this garlic bread from the dolla tree and now my leg wont move

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡖⠋⠉⠉⠙⢲⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⣤⡄⠀⠠⣤⠀⠀⢤⡄⡠⠤⣤⡀⡠⠤⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠄⠀⢿⡇⠀⢀⣿⡀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠓⠒⠒⠊⠁⠀⠀⠈⠛⠒⠁⠛⠃⠐⠚⠛⠂⠐⠚⠓⠂⠐⠛⠓⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin. I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from ♥♥♥♥ I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbors and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.

You know what I would love?

I want to be in the woods, furiously masturbating. Above me, a military drone is fixed on my position. The operator is over 500 miles away, also furiously masturbating. He releases a laser guided Hellfire missile. As we both simultaneously reach climax together, I am disintegrated. ♥♥♥♥ yea.

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.

cringe