Whiterun mayor (unofficial), cheese wheel investor, CS distraction artist.
Onlyfans [onlyfans.com]


Max stats in:

Mod queue binging

Flashing teammates with style

Sneak 100 (IRL and in every lobby)

Turned my horse into a lowrider—don't ask how

Hoarding keys that unlock nothing

Economy management (broke in-game and IRL)

Using Fus Ro Dah energy to entry frag

Achievements unlocked:

Survived 42 vampire attacks before breakfast

Stole the guard's helmet and wore it to victory

Planted cheese at A site and called it "strategic map control"

Successfully convinced my squad that "arrow in the knee" is a viable reason to camp long

Clutched 1v5 while looting a Draugr crypt

Wrote a 12-page essay on why mudcrabs deserve operator status

Got reported for "suspiciously good game sense" (it's just cheese placement)

Speedran Bleak Falls Barrow during halftime

Oath of the Dovahkiin:

Never leave a sweetroll behind

Shout first, apologize later

Always pick up cheese, even if inventory is full

If it glows, it goes (looting rules apply universally)

Real heroes quicksave before every questionable decision

Current quests:

Convince teammates that bucket strats are meta

Prove that stealth archer is viable in CS

Stealth-loot teammate skins mid-round “for safe keeping”

Complete mod list before the next patch breaks everything

Nuke Israel