I think my hope in technology was keeping me at the edge of sanity. "I just have to wait" "technology can do it" i thought but that was just delusional naivete. Of course realizing that doesn't help me, it just means that now or the future there is nothing for me to have or be. If my existence is doing nothing, having nothing and being nothing than the only difference between this and non-existence is that i suffer through one but not the other.

I don't know why i bother typing any of this out, humans don't seem capable of understanding the actual meaning behind my words. There exists no romance, no job, no item and no religion that can achieve any meaning to me, if you've got a solution that doesn't pertain to any of those feel free to let me know about it but no one ever does.