Recent reviews by Beppa Bleach

I ride full speed on a hoverboard through the woods chopping off heads and eating them along the way
this game rules

This... Is the story of Brian
And why The Culling will make you laugh, rage, have crazy adrenaline rushes, and cry.

This is the story of Brian
NotBrian to be exact.

I had heard him walking inside of a building I was soon to raid. I placed a remote explosive on the door that I was sure he was to come out. I then pretended to grind up a weapon so he would come out easily where I could kill him, and take his loot. But then I heard something. Brian was standing at the window on the top floor. Jumping up and down. I jumped back. Eventually, he came down to the second floor where I saw him. We stood there staring at each other until I dropped the spear that I had made, and backed away from it.
Brian was still cautious, and just before we had to make any decisions, another man turned around the corner. Stepping directly on the remote explosive that I had placed. I quickly took it out and blew it up, covering the walls and floor in his blood. As he tried to limp away, I took out a crowbar and mercilessly bludgeoned him to death with it, staining everything, as Brian just sat and watched.. After my massacre, I looked up at him. He was not sure about what I was going to do. So I threw my crowbar, and just as I was backing away to give it to him, Brian turned and looked at the man behind me. Brian threw his small crafted knife at him and it hit. We just looked at the man and the man looked at us. We both raised our hands, blocked, and swung side to side, the universal friend gesture. The man then quickly turned around and walked away. He was then shot to death afterwards. Brian and I took this opportunity and ran. Brian picked up the crowbar and I followed him. We became best friends, I did not know it was possible to make friends.
We came across another man. And like the other, he ran. Brian and I chased the man but we could not catch him. And so, Brian and I went on adventures together. We went into a building, opened up the doors and raided it, by then we had become comfortable enough with each other to stand for next to each other with our weapons out, there was no way either one of us would betray each other. We walked into the building, I gave him a knife which he would not take. I spent so much time getting that Bowie knife and he wouldn't take it. He eventually did, but then I saw him grind it up, like there was nothing to my love for him, I found a saber, turned to look at Brian, but, I knew I would not betray him. Even though I was hurt. I then made a bow and we headed out finally.
At this point I had returning craving of a sandwich. I had to leave, but I could not leave Brian alone. I could not leave him…

By himself.

At this point I was getting the urges. I needed to protect Brian. I needed to get him out of this horrible world. And so... I did what I needed to do. I needed to leave, and so did Brian. I took my bow out. Aiming it directly at the centerof his forehead. Brian don't know what was going to happen so he only pulled out another knife and crouched. I did not fire. But I did break his trust. He decided to go into a cave and Open an item crate. At this I made my move. I drove my saber deep into the small of his back. There was a pause. He did not know what was happening. I hit him again. And again. And again, and that great man just took it. He eventually pulled out something, however. He did not swing at me. He only took out one thing.
As he fell to the floor, that one thing fell from his grasp.

The Bowie knife.

I left that cave, covered in his blood, and my regret. I walked into the poison fog at the edge of the arena...never to come out.

I am sorry NotBrian, but I needed to do it. After all, there can only be one. But neither of us were...

The One

RIP NotBrian.
Buy this game.
You need a Brian.
11/10 IGN

Do you like explosions?
Do you like absorbing 27,000 bullets?
Do you like bringing down gigantic water coolers onto a helicopter with nothing more than a grappling hook?

Then you'll like Just Cause 3

Just Cause 3 is a game that has explosions, guns, hilarity, and more!

When I first bought this game, I was worried about the mixed reviews, but I went out on a limb and bought it.
Turns out all the negative reviews are just made by people who don't know how to fix online only or make a game run!
This game is great, the AI constantly is hilarious and fun to attack (I. E. Helicopter crashing into the thing it was meant to protect, creating fireball that killed all his friends), the explosions are beautiful, (even on my junky Intel laptop), and the grappling hook and wing suit basically make you the freaky man-child of Iron Man and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This game gets rid of all the boring stuff that JS2, including, (but not limited to) Pressing stupid number sequences to hijack cars and blow stuff up, pressing a keyboard button for a slow grappling hook. Hooking only 2 things together, FPS stuttering, bugs, dumb, repetitive AI and having to collect things to liberate a settlement.

Buy it! If the thing you are worried about is performance issues, as long as you don't have an AMD card, you should be able to run it. Even if you have one, you can probably tweak the settings just like I did with my integrated Intel graphics card, and make it run at 40 fps. You may have to turn the resolution down little bit, but the graphics are still amazing.
Even in the case of always forcing online only, you can easily go into windows firewall and block any incoming connections for this.

If you want to have a good time, some laughs, and a little awe at the great scenery, and liked JS2, then this game is for you.

11/10 IGN
gr8 m8 no h8 r8 8/8

Things you will do after buying this game:

>Rage
>Get AWP'ed
>Spend Hundereds of dollars on skins
>Regret spending hundereds of dollars on skins
>Buy more skins
>Get AWP'ed
>Get yelled at by six year-olds and be spawn killed
>Yell at six year-olds and massacre them whilst playing JOHN CENA in the background
>Rage
>Get a 1v5 clutch
>Be 1v5 clutched
>Get so into the game that you are constantly saying lingo to your friends in conversations
>Get AWP'ed
>Lose said friends
>Scream blatant obsenities to every new person you meet
>Lose humanity
>Reclude to dark basement alone
>Get AWP'ed
>Rage
>Play more CS
>Write a review

11/10 IGN :D

R.I.P Strike Vector player base.

How your Long Dark experience will go.

1) Spawn
2) Find random house/loot
3) Feel safe
4) Make stupid mistake
5) Die horribly
6) Repeat

"When humans fade, the world we made begins to turn to rust"

That's what I wish this game would do.