So basically my wife’s boyfriend [56M] just got engaged to my wife [24F] and I’m frick*in pissed that he didn’t get me a Nintendo switch for Christmas. So I decided to get a little revenge. I got all my friends (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) (23M) (22M) (24M) and my friend Anthony (93M) to show up at my house and ♥♥♥♥ all over the lawn. My wife’s boyfriend is heckin pissed now and he won’t buy me a Nintendo switch. It was poggers tho. I yelled pog champ at my wife’s boyfriend and he got mad and smashed my Wii U. I literally want to die right now. Life is meaningless without the ability to play Wii U. I for sure don’t think I’m the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Also he banned me from reddit for 5 years and I had to sneak type this. Life is meaningless without WiiU and reddit. I literally can’t function anymore without r/atheism and Wii U.

This is cool and all, but don't let that distract you from the fact that Gru is the most powerful being in the universe. First according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Second if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you Know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodge them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine.

OwO! rubs against leg Oh my whiskered wonders, human! bats eyelashes Your meat, it's just so... so... deliciously divine! purrs and drools slightly I can almost smell the savory aroma and taste the juicy tenderness! licks paw Please, human, may I have some? I'll be the best kitty ever! I'll even use my cute little paw to hold your meat! bats eyelashes again OwO!

Cat is meow. Cat is meow meow meow meow. Man is wake to Cat on face. Cat is want food. Man is get food for Cat. Cat is put food in water. Man is move water away from food. Cat is still put food in water. Man is love Cat. Cat is warm and furry. Is Cat pillow? Yes, Cat is pillow. Cat is disagree and is meow and run. Man is giggle and chase. Cat is become 2-D and is behind dresser. Man is lure Cat out with fake mouse on string. Man is hug and cuddle Cat. Cat is twist and squirm. Cat is paw through litterbox. Cat is sit in litterbox and stare off into space.

Cat is poop. Man is watch. Later Man is sit on toilet and stare at phone. Now Man is poop and Cat is watch. Man is do homework. Cat is no. Cat is lay on homework. Cat is play with pencil. Cat is feel paper on belly. Cat is like crinkle sounds. Man is think. Man is solve. Man is get backup paper. Cat is sit on backup paper. Man is do homework and Cat is satisfy. Is morning. Cat is find sunbeam. Cat is play with motes of dust. Cat is lay in sunlight. Cat is nap. Now cat is stare out window. Cat is see world. Cat is see bug on window. Cat is want bug. Cat is paw window. Bug is other side. Cat is see Bird hopping by. Bird is see bug. Bird is eat bug. Cat is envy.

Cat is find spider. Cat is paw spider. Spider is run. Cat is break spiderlegs. Spider is hobble. Cat is watch. Spider is four leg hobble. Cat is paw spider. Spider is play dead. Cat is paw paw paw paw. Spider is no play dead. Man is type. Cat is no. Cat is sit on keybosdjuswdjbnnnnnm. Man is move Cat. Cat is returnewkqjlh. Man is think. Man is solve. Cat is sit on backup laptop. Man is type and Cat is satisfy. Man is college. Cat is not come. Mother is care for Cat. Mother is leave door open. Cat is outside. Cat is yes. Cat is bugs. Cat is wind. Cat is grass. Cat is smell and sound and blue sky. Cat is out. Man is come home. Man is see no Cat. Man is sad. Man is remember Cat. Man is hope Cat remember Man.