Now before any of you report me for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hear me out. First according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Second if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you Know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodge them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That’s equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case.

I told her loudly, "You are as insipid and cruel as every other feminist, and I won't be put down by a woman like this! I believe in equality! So how's this for equality??" I punched her square in the gut (since hey equal rights equal fights) and she crumpled to the ground, crying her big womanly tears.

Everyone on the street started clapping and the taxi drivers leaned out of their windows and cheered. Soon even the shop-owners joined in. A judge from the local courthouse looked outside and saw what had happened, and then for the first time ever, right there in that court, a father won a custody battle.

That father was Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

So yesterday I was walking through the city in a nice suit, like a sir, when I come across a girl I knew from high school. She was a huge ♥♥♥♥♥ to me back then, one of the "popular" celebrity-obsessed ♥♥♥♥♥♥ defined by vapidity, but she was looking down on her luck so I tried to be the bigger man. I tipped my fedora to her and said, "M'lady."

She immediately started flirting with me, talking to me and everything, and just when I'm thinking she's trying to friendzone me, she puts a condom in my hand and starts pressuring me to come back to her apartment. Just then I notice some holes poked through the wrapper and the feminazi look in her eye. "Are you trying to spermjack me??" She smirked quite Dworkinly and admitted that she wanted to steal my sperm so she could take a job from a more qualified man and then immediately get years of paid maternity leave, and that if I didn't cooperate she'd tell everyone I raped her.

https://www.humblebundle.com/downloads?key=XyB8t2B7RNe7BNuv

+rep Khushali's moustache is an enthusiastic facial hair, who exhibits a positive outlook and attitude in the area between the upper lip and nose. It conducts itself with maturity, and remains focused on the activity at hand. It has a vibrant imagination, and excels in not being shaved. Through its ability to enhance group discussions through allowing us to take the piss out of henry and be so well-liked by his classmates, it's no wonder he got such a glowing moustache. Well done Khushali's moustache!

-rep scrap that