Waddle up, gamer.
You’ve just encountered the Thick Duck—nature’s greatest mistake and finest achievement.

💪 THICKNESS LEVEL:
╰➤ Scientifically classified as “Too Much.”
╰➤ Causes small earthquakes when landing.
╰➤ Bread consumption: illegal in 6 countries.

🎮 ABOUT ME:

I don’t rage-quit. I rage-quack.

Special ability: sitting on the enemy team until they suffocate.

If you hear flapping, it’s already too late.

🦆 LORE (ILLEGALLY LONG):
Forged in a KFC deep fryer and raised by feral pigeons, I achieved my final form after consuming an entire family-sized loaf of garlic bread at 3AM. Wildlife officials have declared me “emotionally dangerous.”

🥖 HOBBIES:

Stealing bread from children

Slapping geese

Looking majestic in slow motion

Pretending I can fly (I can’t… I’m too thicc.)

🏆 ACHIEVEMENTS:
✔ Survived 3 buffets
✔ Out-thickened a goose (they’re still crying)
✔ Banned from 12 ponds for “disruptive swimming”

🥖 DIET:
Carbs. All the carbs.
If it’s bread, it’s mine.
If you’re holding bread, you’re mine.

⚠ WARNING:
Approach with caution.
The caboose is loose.
Quacks may be loud and may cause emotional damage.