2000 hours. Two thousand hours of pure pain.

In that time, I’ve seen more hackers than in a 90s Hollywood movie, more racists than a Modern Warfare 2 lobby, and teammates so useless I swear they’re just hostages that picked up rifles. Every game is the same: I buy my gun, pray to Gaben, and then watch my teammates line up like bowling pins for the enemy AWPer.

Elo? Don’t even ask. I’ve been stuck under 10k so long I’m basically paying rent down here. My teammates can’t shoot straight, can’t hold a site, and apparently can’t spell “rotate.” At this point I’m convinced I’m being held hostage by the matchmaker itself.

And the skins… sweet mother of bankruptcy, the skins. I could’ve bought a car. I could’ve funded a wedding. I could’ve retired early. Instead, I’m the proud owner of a knife that looks like a banana peel and a digital AK that costs more than my actual rent. Well I was until I found out about certain websites, now I have even less to my name. My bank calls me every time I open a case, just to make sure I’m still alive.

Highly recommended.