System Architecture. Networking and Security. No one in this house can touch me on that.
But does anyone appreciate that?

While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing acapella at Sarah Lawrence, I was getting root access to NSA servers.

I was a click away from starting a second Iranian revolution.

I prevent cross site scripting, I monitor for DDoS attacks, emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings.

The internet, heard of it? Transfers half a petabyte of data a minute, do you have any idea how that happens? All of those YouPorn ones and zeros streaming directly to your sh*tty little smart phone day after day. Every dipsh*t who sh*ts his pants if he can't get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds. It's not magic, it's talent and sweat.

People like me ensuring your packets get delivered unsniffed.

So what do I do?

I make sure that one bad config on one key component doesn't bankrupt the entire f*cking company. That's what the f*ck I do.