Recent reviews by SlapmyFace

What a joke. Bought the game and my controller isn't working in it. Works fine in any other game and even in SR3, but in this one, nothing. Even mapping mouse and keyboard which I should NOT have to do isn't working, in fact, the whole overlay crashes as soon as I get control of my character in the intro. Nice job, it's like the devs don't want you to play their game. Bought this on sale for 5 bucks and I regret my purchase. I'm off playing games that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ work.

I got one major gripe with this game: It holds your hand like crazy, at least in the first hour. There's TONS of quick time events where the game rips the controller away from you because the platform under you is crumbling away and you need to jump, after literally 3 seconds of getting stuck at a puzzle they demand that you activate THE SURVIVORS INSTINCT that makes the right location light up because your IQ is apparently that of a Roomba with a broken hind wheel. The first time you see the bear from the tutorial you don't get to fight him because the game decided that you need to run away, even though after returning 5 minutes later he goes down after 5 arrows. It's not even like that all the time. Sometimes the game decides that you now get the freedom to explore and other times you wanted to explore the other path but the game starts a cutscene where you get hunted by Trinity, they chase you off half a mile and the chance is gone. It's like... what the hell is this game. It has a solid foundation and the graphics are fantastic, but I'm not a fan of this handholding. ♥♥♥♥ off I wanna die because I made a stupid jump not because you want me to.

Imagine the only person close to you is your father. Imagine said father were an alcoholic. I mean, he acts like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hobo and hurls empty whiskey bottles at you. Somewhere in him is a glimpse of love for you, but you don't know where to dig for it. He punches and beats the ♥♥♥♥ out of you everyday. Since you are capable of learning how to counter said beating, he uses a different technique slash strategy to kick your butt in some way or another and you seem helpless and void of friends, family or anything that could help you. Friends say they could help you, but in the end they just watch you die inside everyday again.

Hope is lost, you contemplate suicide... until...
... some day you master how to instead beat your father's ass instead of the other way around. He might get a punch or two in, but you ultimately emerge victorious and stand on his corpse as you celebrate your victory.

Then you unlock the next chapter and you start all over again.

10/10