😟🐰

Turns out this science fact is true. Look at Palestine.

Science Fact : Guj-jews are dangerous!

Science Fact : Sisters are Worst !

Merry Christmast 🎄❄️🎅
and Happy Holidays.

k

nope XD

you XD

WWWWHHHOOOOOO?

is he even celebrating halloween?

XD

Greetings from Dwight K Schrute,
Happy Halloween !

lol

i wish to go back to the times i would have enough energy to play the game for more than 20 minutes so we could actually play together

thx for all the carries

Season's Greetings From Dwight,

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.

Do women really need elbows ? What good has ever come from a woman's elbow? None.

<3

Thx, wish you amazing weekends too)

+rep worlds best (worst) sherpa

Happy Halloween))

Happy Halloween !

Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So, I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.

why do i have a diary?
to keep secrets from computer !

Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy

My perfect Valentine’s day? I’m at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the fifty restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.

Under my beet farm, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Schrutes.

I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.

░░░░░░░░░░░░ ▄▐
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░░░░ ▐ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ’▌░░░▀█▄
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░░░▌░▄▄▄▐▌▀▀▀
▄░▐░░░▄▄░█░▀▀ U HAVE BEEN BANGED BY THE
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░░░░░░░▀███▀███▀██▀██▀██▀░▄
░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄SPOOKY BOOTY BANGER
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hey. who do you think is smarter? Donald Trump or Me ? my guess is me because i am not stupid enough to have children.

.......∩＿＿＿∩
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.../　/　 ( _●_)　 ミ/　　．▂▅■▀ ▪ ￭　▂¨ ∵▃ ▪ ・
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....|　/ 　　　 )　 )
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　　　　 　　 ＼＿)

i do not understand why a large portion of women on the popular dating app "Tinder" have in their Bio "Not your average girl" when they clearly are.

i do not understand why a large portion of women on the popular dating app "Tinder" have in their Bio "Not your average girl" when they clearly are.

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even though i have never officially dated a woman, heed my advice.

if she owns a Staffy Dog do not date her. owners look like their pets and people who own Staffy Dogs are trailer trash.

In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, you’re dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, you’re dead!

In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, you’re dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, you’re dead!

I am not a security threat. And, my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

Nope

You know, you are doing a great job, Why don't you jerk the rest of the day off.?

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

You think you’re excited? You should feel my nipples. — Dwight Schrute

All you need is love? False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food and shelter. — Dwight Schrute

follow me to the shelter. I’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, i have a difficult conversation.

❤❤❤

How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable.

Greetings from Dwight Schrute.
When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

Hello my name is Dwight Schrute and I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.