December 31st 2024 - I sat in my chair furiously masturbating my ♥♥♥♥ desperate to release gallons of sperm but I resisted the urge and I kept edging for 5 minutes carefully watching the clock on my PC. I waited in anticipation until finally it was 2025. I ejaculated releasing loads and loads of gooey white ♥♥♥ everywhere, I moaned with satisfaction, proud of my achievement.

I had just become the first person to ♥♥♥ in 2025. I look over my ♥♥♥ filled desk and chair with pride.

So all of you can go cry, because none of you will be able to claim my title of first person to ♥♥♥ in 2025. Go wallow in sorrow and self-pity at the fact that you missed the opportunity to ejaculate just when it reached the New Year at midnight. While you subhuman mere mortals are setting of fireworks at midnight, I am blasting a massive explosion of ♥♥♥ everywhere. Oh yes, I am now superior to everyone on the planet, bow down to me, the ♥♥♥ lord of 2025.

Happy new year, losers.

So I got this lovely little cat a few weeks back and they've been snuggling up to me every night. She's a little sassy and stuff but it makes it much more fun owning a cat for the first time.

A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night finding her swat and nibbling on my little thing underneath the blankets and it's enough to jolt me back to my senses in the middle of the night. How can I stop my cat from continuing on biting my penis? I love the little bugger but it's starting to hurt.

Imagine you’re blindfolded and you’re getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you’ll never figure out who’s giving you that god-tier awesome schmosome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle’s neighbour’s fireman’s cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?

My brother goons SO LOUD

Idk where to start this, but my brother (16M) masterbaites SO LOUD it wakes me up at night, and its not a one time thing too, he does it every single day, no breaks, even in ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ holidays, he does it in the toilet using shampoo and doesnt even try to hide it, since 2023 he has been on a streak to wake the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ living hell out of me, and he does it around 2 am, and my parents dont even notice, if someone cut their organs while they were asleep they wouldnt wake up, but me, i wake up to the sound of a fly, and him beating his ♥♥♥♥ to strawberry short cake hentai everyday with his industrial vien pattern is something i cant ignore, i told him everyday since the day he started to do it quiet and he ignores me, and if i tell my relegious ahh parents they might disown him, so what should i do now?, i cant live like this anymore.

So I was waiting in line to vote when all of a sudden this voting "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my voter registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my ♥♥♥♥ because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm voter identity. Because I thought he was a voting official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I voted I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy voting!

i'm about to start hitting you from the back