beep

borderlands 2 has free DLC for a month.
kbye!

WeLcOmE tO ThE nErD cOuNcIl

very important [www.google.com]

8)

Mike, I swear to ever-loving almighty GOD. I will ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hurt you.

https://31.media.tumblr.com/9a74b6649cb59c07c23546ff709c99a4/tumblr_inline_n14agp29MH1qczm6y.jpg

I decided to leave and go to California, so I packed up my Salvador Dali print of two blindfolded dental hygienists trying to make a circle on an Etch-a-Sketch, and I headed for the highway and began hitching. Within three minutes I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don't have much room up here, why don't you get into one of the cars out back." So I did. And he was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny.

most of all the world is a place where parts of wholes are described within an overarching paradigm of clarity, and accuracy, the context of which makes possible an underlying sense of the way it all fits together despite our collective tendency not to conceive of it as such.

But then again, the world without end is a place where souls are combined, but with an overbearing feeling of disparity, disorderliness, to ignore it is impossible without getting oneself into all kinds of trouble.

CO. PRODUCER JOHN STAMOS

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Everybody get up, it's time to slam now.We got a real jam goin' down. Welcome to the Space Jam. Here's your chance, do your dance at the Space Jam, alright

I can't find the books they must be in La Jolla.

long live Karl Marx

So I used to open my shows saying "Hello. I'm Jewish soooorry~" until a woman in the audience put down her cup of noodles and said "Why are you apologizing for being Jewish?"

Now that made me angry so I screamed "BECAUSE ITS A TERRIBLE THING!"

Sometimes religion doesn't make sense to me... like if you're jewish you can wear a hat but only in the middle of your head! But it all makes sense when you realize that god is a twelve year old boy with autism.

"Boy am I hungry"
"WELL YOU CANT EAT HORSES"
"Okay I couldn't anyways...
"GOOD BECAUSE NO PORK EITHER."

"Hey god can I have sex?"
"NO GIRLS ARE ICKY. SEX IS GROSS."
"Well what about gay sex?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Sometimes you cant hear me because I'm in parenthesis.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed.She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.

SCREAMING EAGLES

Oh hey, we're still a thing. Hooray!

eat the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ candy. Eat the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ candy.

SCREAMING EAGLES