THE PADDLE WE NEED

No one knows for sure how it got started, but here’s one of the stories….

The kingdom was silent, still, empty; a storybook land without any characters; a Disneyland with no people in it. Trees, crates, and fences sit like still life on floating platforms in the sky. A bird should be singing but none is there. This world is gone for now. Elsewhere, in the Outlands, a giant wooden paddle with gold accents sits against the wall outside of a tavern, smoking a long wooden pipe like wizards of old. A catfish in a top hat and a shabby coat with suede elbows approaches.

“THERE you are…”

The paddle says nothing, but it gives him pause. Was he listening? Could it even hear at all?

“…I’ve been…looking all over for you…”

Still nothing but a flat board of freshly varnished wood and the smell of burning tobacco leaves.

“You’re a hard man…er, PADDLE…to find…”

…

“Umm, anyway, I’m Gentle Kenneth, I represent the Dreamweavers who have been all but displaced by the evil Nightlings, and a very wise man sent me here to find you because HE said you’re our only ho-”

“Does it pay?” Amazingly, it spoke with the voice of a man, as if it had a mouth and a throat and everything.

“Wha-uhh, YEAH! TONS! I-i-it’s just a little weird right now because none of us are in our homes, but once you get us our home back, I-i-i’m MORE than sure that you may partake of our riches and live without care or discomfort for as long as you wa-”

“I need a ball and some wood sealer.” The pipe flips itself upside down and dumps ashes into the gutter. The catfish man swallows hard.

“Well…well, okay! No big! Not the end of the world! Actually, it might be for us…but that’s not gonna happen, because ol’ Gentle Kenneth is gonna GET you that wood sealer and you-you can do your whole…”

“My block breaker thing.”

“Yes! Exactly! Your block breaker thing. Deal?”

“Deal. Now, get out of here. I don’t want your skin grease staining my wood.”

“Oh, umm…of course…”

This is the lowest Dreamstones has ever been discounted, previous low was $11.99 on Steam.

Buy the game now at Chrono.gg for an amazing price![chrono.gg]

Currently on Steam for:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/645920/Dreamstones/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAY OF INFAMY

As you folks probably already know, it was the great Ron Perlman who blew our actual minds when he said “War…war never changes.” Now we here at Chrono aren’t just a bunch of dummies in one building, we understand the point he was trying to make, but if we’re JUST looking at video games over the years, HELL YEAH war has changed, from something educational and historically accurate to basically whatever the hell anybody wants. Space-faring humans in the far future fighting back aliens? Done. Huge gross demons from hell coming through a portal on Mars? Easy.

But whatever happened to World War 2, you know? Remember when there practically wasn’t a single shooter that didn’t depict some aspect of it? For like ten years that’s all we wanted, and then, around a decade ago, Nazi zombies dropped, and everybody was like, “Oh yeah, present-day conflict, fantasy elements, and exciting never-before-seen settings, weapons and characters!” And World War 2 games basically went the way of the dodo for a little while as everyone left history behind for dope sci-fi adventuring and ultra-violent horror games.

But one year ago today we got Day of Infamy, and again, we remembered what it was like to nerd out over realistic units (there are 33) and weapons (there are 60), and with super realistic gameplay and great co-op modes for both PvP and PvE lovers; we were happy to don those historically accurate uniforms and fight back the Nazi’s once again. So happy birthday to you, Day of Infamy, thanks for reminding us how cool WW2 games are. And, to celebrate this momentous occasion, we’ve got the game for you today for just five bucks, so now there’s no excuse not to grab it, get online, and find out what gave your grandpa PTSD!


Buy the game now at Chrono.gg for an amazing price![chrono.gg]

Currently on Steam for:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/447820/Day_of_Infamy/

THAT GUY FROM ANCIENT ALIENS

When we look at a game like Titan Quest, you know, it’s easy to accept the narrative that yes, this IS an ARPG made by some of the people behind Age of Empires and Braveheart, that just HAPPENS to feature Ancient Greece, Ancient China, and Ancient Egypt, and that it’s just artistic license that adds all these magical skills and characters…

BUT, if you just take these elements for what they are, and you start to ask yourself “what could cause humans to behave this way?” you begin to realize that there’s only one real logical explanation for everything, and that’s that an extraterrestrial presence beyond our understanding that’s influencing our culture and giving magic to people who never would have had it.

And look, I know it doesn’t make sense, but when you see me in the documentary, and they give me my lower third, and I’m wearing my shabby brown suit, what the hell else do you think is gonna happen? People see me and they’re like “oh my god it’s the alien guy,” I love when he says it’s aliens…and so, you know, I do! And I make a lot of money, so I don’t need these game deals, but if you want it, you should get it, because it is a good game. Rest in peace, History Channel 2.


This is the lowest Titan Quest Anniversary Edition + Ragnarök DLC has ever been discounted, previous low was $18.98 on Steam.

Buy the game now at Chrono.gg for an amazing price![chrono.gg]

Currently on Steam (without the DLC) for:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/475150/Titan_Quest_Anniversary_Edition/

GOTTA HAVE MY TOTS

So, okay folks. First things first, we got a game here called Tower of Time. It’s a handcrafted CRPG with a dope real-time combat system, and a bunch of different classes, and random loot drops. It’s really cool, and the graphics look really good, and this is totally like a solid new PC game a lot of people will play and enjoy. But, as you and I both know, all of that is secondary to the fact that Tower of Time is abbreviated as TOT, which is exciting because we definitely want to say that a lot, but it also creates a bunch of extra questions.

Like, we’ve been ripping this one apart at the water cooler for days, but to us, the main thing we think of when we hear the word “tot” is a kid. We couldn’t decide EXACTLY what age a tot is, though we pretty much agreed that they would have to be vaguely young, and we also decided that the person SAYING “tot” has to be pretty old, like a Willy Wonka type figure, or a foppish English gentlemen. So far, this is all fine, and while there’s still a bit of a debate to be had, at first we were pretty cool saying “tot.”

But then somebody brought up tater tots, and it rocked our whole world. At first glance you just think “Oh, yeah, they probably just mean tiny little potato kids, because kids are small and cute and you know, so are the tater tots, but then do we REALLY feel good eating like 18 little kids in a sitting? That’s kind of messed up, right? And yes, Tower of Time is awesome and it’s only eleven bucks today, but now we’re not 100% on calling it TOT, so if you’d do us a favor and grab it, play it a little bit, and weigh in on the issue, it’d be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

This is the lowest Tower of Time has ever been discounted, previous low was $12.74 on Steam.

Buy the game now at Chrono.gg for an amazing price![chrono.gg]

Currently on Steam for:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/617480/Tower_of_Time/

ONE MAN’S TRASH

Okay guys, look. I know a lot of you have been complaining on the company message board lately that you’re concerned about the number of crew members lost to the alien space-hulk recovery program. And look, on the one hand, I totally get it. You guys are basically just trash men with guns, and when you’re on a salvage op, it’s not really your favorite thing when a decades-dead alien ship comes to life, begins murdering you, and killing your work friends right through the head. Admittedly, that’s rough.

But let me just say this: you know those laser guns you depend on and love? We wouldn’t even have those if it wasn’t for a salvage crew over on Gorbak VII! And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Space cell phones? Made from tech salvaged at the Doopi Gate. Color changing sweater? Flumkak IX. Laser bidets AND instant roast beef? Kikiobo Nebula. Point is, we’re not just going off to die! We’re going off to die to make a better future! And some of you won’t even die! …Okay, maybe I could have phrased that better.

And really, who knows what awesome futuristic technology we’ll salvage next time? I mean sure sometimes it’s boring, like that one time Kyle just found a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of limestone, like 50-60 million pounds of pure, uncut limestone, like so much ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ limestone, but most of the time it’s not, and it’s for every human, not just us, that we do this every single day of our lives. So get out there, crew! Grab a bunch of guns and win us that government contract! Er, I mean, make a difference for all humanity! Yeah, yeah…that’s it.

This is the lowest CRYPTARK has ever been discounted, previous low was $5.24 on Steam.

Buy the game now at Chrono.gg for an amazing price![chrono.gg]

Currently on Steam for:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/344740/CRYPTARK/