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THE CHRONICLES OF NICEMAN, HERO OF HAWK

In the times of old, there was a village, called California. North of the village, there lived a beast. Its hair was a fiery red, and fat hung off its grotesque body. It reeked of arrogance, and loved nothing but anime. Its mother was a human woman, and its father was rumored to be none other than Bam Margera, fallen angel of the HAWKMAN. For 15 years, the creature brought terror to the village.

An intrepid young adventurer by the name of NICEMAN lived in the village. One day, the beast kidnapped NICEMAN'S friends and banished him from its domain. NICEMAN swore revenge.

On his way up to the craggy mountain upon which the beast lived, NICEMAN saw a lone skateboard amongst the rocks. He knew it was a sign from the HAWKMAN, beloved by all, that he was divinely blessed.

NICEMAN slayed the beast with his blade, "Turbo-Nerd's Bane." To this day, it can be found in the Tony Hawk Museum of Natural History in California.