BBC (Bulbs Broadcasting Corporation) reports that lightbulbs have jumped in price for North American shoppers by 20% compared to the previous holiday seasons. Some argue that this price increase is marginal, and thus shouldn't be newsworthy, but others, such as columnist Gerald Shakespeare of bulbfanatics.net, claim that this price increase is unacceptable. "We are living in a time of recession, and many lower-income individuals don't have the quarters to spare for lightbulbs, an essential product we need for modern living. I mean, really, If I have to give an extra dollar for a Honda GL2TR9 bulb, someone may as well just drop a Looney Tunes anvil on my scrotum at that point."

More at 11:00 PM

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Saint Nicholas "Santa" Claus, noted Christmas gifts deliverer, has recently changed his lightbulb after ten years of relying on the same Honda DR32X model, sources say. There are rumours that his trusted bulb recently broke down, and thus he had to go to Best Buy to get a new one. Our reporter on the scene, Mr. Drizz Jinkler, claimed that Santa's new model will be a Samsung G30PZ, which is noted for its 5G compatibility, not to mention that it comes with a free mint copy of Donkey Kong: King of Swing for the Game Boy Advance, as well.

More on New Year's Eve

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South Korean conglomerate Samsung has just announced they will be producing brand 'smacking' new lightbulbs this year branded after world-famous K-pop boy band BTS (which, contrary to popular misconception, does not stand for "Bulbs That Shine"). These new BTS Bulbs will come in seven different designs, each modeled after the seven different band members. Although the members of BTS have made headlines last year after going on hiatus while the members carry out the mandatory South Korean military service for young men, they are still out promoting their upcoming bulbs.

In an exclusive interview we obtained with band member Min Yoon-gi, known by his alias Suga, the teenage heart-throb excitedly said something about the bulbs, but as we forgot to bring an interpreter who can understand Korean, all we can say is that he sure looked happy while talking about it.

Moreover, in a press release by Samsung Vice President Kim Jong-un (not to be confused with that guy from the other Korea), it has been said that the bulbs will be "functional" and even "capable of emitting light." Some in the bulbs community have criticised this as being the bare minimum standards for something to even qualify as a decent light bulb, pointing out the lack of enticing features. However, others have countered these critics by pointing out that the Toshiba Kawaii® series of bulbs rolled out last year were recalled for having a 39% spontaneous combustion rate, and thus a bulb that barely crosses the finish line in functionality would be a welcome return to form for the industry this year.

More at 3.

Back to the studio, Kim Jong-il? (not to be confused with that guy from the other Korea's dad)

According to the Toronto Star, an Ontario man named J. William Flubbs, who is only 5'3", recently consumed a one foot tall lightbulb, apparently to impress a girl on the sidewalk in his hometown. When asked about it, he said "it's just such a great thing to eat that," and further added "just eating it, y'know? it's a great thing."

More at 6 PM.

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According to The Weekly Pencil Sharpener, an ancient Sumerian lightbulb has been discovered in the Iraqi village of al-Habib. The research team behind the discovery is led by Nelson J. Mammary, assistant professor of Pseudohistory at St. John's University. Mammary described the find as "perhaps the single greatest revolution in historical thought within the last three weeks." Mammary was of course referring to the discovery of an ancient Egyptian lightbulb just three weeks prior, also by Mammary, and also without any actual evidence, as both claims were made on his twitter account.

When locals were asked about the find, most either threw twigs at our reporters and told them to go away, or attempted to sell them homemade Persian rugs.

More at 10.

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