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You seem to have a very particular set of skills.
Mostly around yard work.
If you can do computer stuff like 'fix my printer' you're going to become a great programmer.

Who needs fortunes, when you can make up stuff to blame for it?

I present to you BOFH style excuses.
What is BOFH? There's a link on the page that answers that exact question.

Now sit back and hit refresh whenever you want to feel superior.

https://bofh.d00t.org/

Psycho-Mantis would approve of throwing your controller.

apartment

Nobody knows who struck first, but we do know it was us that darkened the skies.
The machines ran on solar power.
It seems reality has a sense of humor.
I have seen the fields where human beings are not just grown, but harvested.
Something something something... blue pill.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFkazjodpeQ

Funny thing about the above 'discussion'.
Cops give you a ticket on behalf of the city where you broke the law. You cannot pay the cop on the spot. You go to court, plead your case and take the consequences and/or pay the fine, plus processing fees for having done all this through the court system(or something like this).
Any attempt to pay a cop is bribery, a second offense.

I've received 299,684 points since the time points were inflicted upon the community. I now have 39,194 but no interest in buying things from the points shop if I can find the tradeable thing on the Steam Marketplace. The event stickers, emotes, backgrounds, etc used to be free, so I'm skipping those too now.

Or it could be China tripping our power grid/ISPs whenever they need a good laugh.

Read each class's description on the TF2 wiki.
Then play a few rounds with each. Eventually you'll find "the one".